


and i didn't believe them (when they told me that there was no saving you)

by moonatoms



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Finale, this is actually not depressing kudos to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/pseuds/moonatoms
Summary: She finds him on the beach - their beach - with his back towards the land and her, staring at the wide open sky in front of him.





	and i didn't believe them (when they told me that there was no saving you)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything.
> 
> Many thanks (what the hell autocorrect) to BurningUpASunJustToSayHello for listening to me whine about this and looking over it for me.

She finds him on the beach - _their_ beach - with his back towards the land and her, staring at the wide open sky in front of him.

 

It’s cloudy today with no hint of the stars, the ones she now knows he himself hung there. Lucifer _, Lightbringer, Angel of God, the Devil_ , so many things at once that she couldn’t wrap her mind around in those seconds, _minutes_ that she stared into a face that couldn’t be his and yet _was_ , before - in a gust of wind and feathers - he was gone.

 

And if it hadn’t been for the feathers themselves, white and glowing save for the specks of blood that speckled them like bleeding stars, she might have thought she had imagined it all.

 

She’d _never_ tampered with a crime scene before but she’d gathered them up carefully, because what could she do? Nobody would believe her - an hour earlier she wouldn’t have believed it either - but she couldn’t risk it, couldn't risk anyone questioning this had been anything but self-defense. Besides it’s not like she was covering up a murder, Pierce had lured them here and tried to kill them and if it hadn’t been for Lucifer she wouldn’t even be alive right now.

 

Lucifer, who was the actual devil. Lucifer, who apparently had _wings_ even though he’d told her so many months ago that he had cut them off and that they had been stolen. Who had protected her from the bullets and bled just like he had bled before when she had shot him so many cases ago, right at the beginning of their partnership.

 

Lucifer who hadn’t bled the last time he had used parts of his body to shield her. And how could that be?

 

How could any of this be?

 

This morning when she had gotten up there had been clues, but there hadn’t been the _Devil_ and _God_ and all of these things that changed her entire world but did not change the Earth she walked on.

 

There were too many questions in her mind and no answers, wouldn’t be any answers until she found _him_ and even then -

 

Well she could only hope there would be answers then. She wanted to know, wanted to understand. All of this and him, too.

 

Her _partner_. Lucifer -

 

If it hadn’t been for him none of this would have happened, but so many other things wouldn’t have either. Dan and her might still be married but they probably would not have the healthy, friendly relationship they have now. She’d most likely still be working alone and her relationship with her colleagues would still be strained. She wouldn’t have the small, strange circle of friends that are the closest thing she’s had to a real family since her father died.

 

She wouldn’t have had her heart broken - and _again_ \- but she also wouldn’t know what it feels like when it begins to mend.

 

If it hadn’t been for Lucifer, her life would be different, but not lighter, not easier, not happier.

 

There is no possibility to go back in time, but she also wouldn’t, even if she could.

 

Because, standing in the atrium, in the midst of all the destruction, broken glass and feathers and dead bodies (including the one of the man she thought she’d marry) all around her,  she knew - she _knew_ \- she was not afraid.

 

He’s the devil, yes, she finally knows it’s true, but he’s not evil and she was, _is_ not afraid.

 

Instead, she wasn’t sure what she felt. Her mind was spinning and she had to hold on to one of the pillars when a wave of dizziness hit her. There was relief in there - that it wasn’t all a metaphor, that she _knows_ , that she knows he’s still _Lucifer,_ that nothing has to change, that they are _alive_ . Anger too because he knew she wouldn’t believe him and he could have shown her, _should_ have shown her earlier, should have trusted her to walk towards him when he did, and not away. Sadness, too, because she saw the look in his face right before he left, could see his heart shatter right in front of her eyes, the way he was bracing himself for her to turn away from him and tell him that she never wanted to see him again.

 

There was so much more, deep inside the many corners of her heart. Things she didn’t want to think about just yet and some she’d like to forget. But it all boiled down to this: she had to find him.

 

She wanted, wants to understand.

 

She wants _him_ to understand.

 

It took a while for everything to settle down a bit - it’s all a blur now, the sirens and the look on Dan’s face when he saw Pierce lying dead on the ground, the endless questions and reconstruction of what exactly happened, the fact that Lucifer wasn’t there when he should have been - and when she finally made it to her car it was already dark outside. She found herself looking at the sky as if asking for guidance, not God, but the stars, children of his, as if they could show her the way. And then she drove to Lux, made her way through the crowds. Tried not to let the wrongness of it all seep too deeply into her bones - the moving bodies and the laughter, the shallowness of it all that felt so out of place in her own world that had changed yesterday, and again today and that had somehow gotten so much _more_ and _less_ meaningful at once.

 

And when he wasn’t there - the penthouse dark and empty in a way that made her heart drop because it was so reminiscent of when he left before - she drove to the beach. _Their_ beach. In retrospect, she doesn’t really know why she thought he’d be here. It doesn’t matter either because when she gets out of the car, there he is, right by the water’s edge.

 

Standing tall and dark, almost one with the night in the subdued light of the moon that is just barely filtering through the clouds.

 

He doesn’t turn around when she approaches, doesn’t look at her until she comes to stand right beside him. Only then does he turn his head ever so slightly until their eyes meet. His face is back to the one she knows, but there is a fire dancing beneath the skin, specks of fiery light that threaten to break through. His eyes, brown once more, are unreadable in the dark of the night.

 

They don’t speak for a few moments, only the wind and the waves between them.

 

“Are you okay?” she asks finally, doesn’t know what else to say. His nod is almost imperceptible and she can’t help but press on.

 

“There was blood. On your feathers, there was blood. You were bleeding. How can you bleed?”

 

He looks down at the water that dances along the shore and doesn’t look back up.

 

“It’s...complicated,” he replies after a few long seconds. And then, before she can ask more, about wings and blood, the Devil and God:

 

“I thought you would never want to see me again.”

 

His voice is barely above a whisper and there is a sadness deep within it that speaks of centuries of loss and rejection.

 

It makes her heart constrict in her chest, because she hasn’t said anything but still, she wishes he could see - they’ve been through so much. She’s not going to just walk away.

 

Like everyone else probably did once they found out who he is. And she hates, hates the look on his face and the fear in his eyes. Wants to wipe it away with a soft press of her lips.

 

She settles on words instead.

 

“Why would I leave?” she replies just as quietly as his voice had been and, to underline her point, steps closer until their hands are almost touching.

 

He looks up at her and snorts, but doesn’t move away. It sounds hollow and echoes in the dark night surrounding them.

 

“Wasn’t what you saw earlier proof enough?” he retorts. There is no malice in his voice, only an empty darkness. “I am the Devil, Detective. Just like I have always told you.”

 

Nodding her head, she takes a final step towards him and ever so slowly grabs his hand, interlacing her fingers with his.

 

“That may be so,” she says slowly, tries to hold his gaze even as his eyes drop between them to look at their tangled hands, his own fingers now securely curled around hers. “But I’ve told you before, I know who you are, who you really are.”

 

She takes a deep breath, tries to organize her thoughts, tries to find the right words to say even when she isn’t sure there are any.

 

“You are a good man, Lucifer. You’ve proven it so many times. So yes, maybe you are the devil. Maybe that’s your job. Just like being a detective is mine. But what you are not is evil. And you don’t deserve to think you are.”

 

Shaking her head, she pulls at his hand, lifts it up carefully so she can press a soft kiss to his knuckles. When she drops it between them again, she swears she can see his eyes glisten in the dark.

 

“I know you said you were afraid that if I saw all of you, I wouldn’t want you. But I have and I’m still here because these things don’t define you. Your actions do. And…”

 

She sighs and closes her eyes for a second.

 

“There is so much we need to talk about,” she continues more quietly. “So much I now see that I don’t know. I have questions - a lot of them. And I can’t promise I won’t get mad because, well, you should have told me earlier. You should have trusted me to not walk away from you. But it’s…”

 

She squeezes his hand softly as she seeks out his gaze again, feels a pang in her chest at the way he is looking at her, eyes open and laying himself bare in front of her, letting her read him like an open book.

 

“I recognise it’s probably more complicated than this. All I want is to understand. And I want, I need you to understand that I am not leaving. I’m here and we will work through this and everything else because you’re my partner, and my friend, and one day I hope you will be more than that, too.”

 

She exhales the last part softly just as he inhales sharply at her words and she feels so vulnerable all of the sudden but his hand is holding on to hers tightly and his other is coming up to wrap around her waist and he is looking at her like she is all he can see and it’s okay, it’s okay.

 

Her partner is the devil. Her partner is a good man.

 

And right now, that’s all there is to it.

 

Somewhere in the space between them, the words have gotten lost but maybe they can find them. Maybe they can untangle all the little strings of their lives that have become spun into a fine cobweb.

 

There is a hurricane around them that may just as well turn into a monsoon. So much has happened, they have pulled apart and come back together, people have died, the world has kept turning while they have been frozen like stars in a night-sky that will soon turn into day.

 

But they are still _here_. They have weathered smaller storms before.

 

And when he closes the remaining distance between them and pulls her into him, when her head rests above his beating heart and she can feel the whisper of his lips on her forehead she knows.

 

Nothing is certain in this world but she knows that somehow, despite all the odds, they will prevail.

 

They will be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title lyrics are from "Kettering" by The Antlers.


End file.
